WHAT IS LOVE? – Marlene Daley
The Rachel Roy and Beyonce saga has brought back love, its concept and definition to the forefront of the mind of many, again, and the numerous answers that I am looking for continue to evade me. Is love that initial chemistry that is probably more a sexual attraction for copulation? Is it the more intense feeling, otherwise called the matrix? Is it purely the vibrations that can be felt across a room that signals familiarity from a past life? Is it that those men who are able to take the first look at a woman and say, “that’s my wife,” have had some longstanding mental image of her that makes her automatically identifiable? Is it an emotion that grows out of platonic relationships after being nurtured? Can it spring from those marriages little known to the West where parents choose spouses from a tender age? Is the initial attraction facial, busty, figure, hair, profession, financial needs, academic qualifications, color, opportunity, comfort, kindness or timely?
And what should really be expected of the commitment of marriage? Should it last a lifetime because of uttered words or a solemn promise? Can “I do” sustain it or does “I do” become a life sentence for some? Should it be a compromise that will somehow erode one’s sense of self or create the tides that keep one afloat through periods of love’s elusive tendencies?
In 1982 when Kenny Rogers released “Through the Years” and maturity had not yet arrived, I would listen to the song and cry tears. I was so deeply moved that any man could have written such deep, inspiring and meaningful lyrics and it was affirmation for me that falling in love was alive and well.
I can’t remember when you weren’t there
When I didn’t care for anyone but you
I swear we’ve been through everything there is
Can’t imagine anything we’ve missed
Can’t imagine anything the two of us can’t do
Through the years
You’ve never let me down
You turned my life around
The sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you
Through the years
I’ve never been afraid
I’ve loved the life we’ve made
And I’m so glad I’ve stayed
Right here with you
Through the years
I can’t remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you’ve taught me everything I know
Can’t imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more
Through the years
Through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had
I’ve always been so glad
To be with you…..
“Through the Years” still conjures up happiness and pain after his divorce made headlines in 1993. I have never trusted love since. I have never taken it for granted and maybe this was the buffer that I needed to face my own separation.
What if all that we’ve read is true, and what if the deepest call from Beyonce’s soul in “Lemonade” does not quell Jay Z’s thirst for Rachael Roy’s offering. And what if it doesn’t stop there?
Take a look at these staggering and growing statistics on marriage in America:
Divorce Statistics in America for Marriage
Marriage Divorce statistics (in percent)
First Marriage 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
Second Marriage 60% to 67% marriages end in divorce
Third Marriage 70% to 73% marriages end in divorce
I can’t help but think that divorce attorneys are having a field day but I am also inclined to believe that there ought to be some redress in cultures that lead people to believe that marriage as a part of life’s progression is one of its highest achievements.
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Marlene Daley
Publisher Kotch Magazine
